Lover I Don't Have To Love
by MoreThanTonight
Summary: This is a story about a boy who falls in love with a boy who doesn't know what love is. It is a story about bravery, friendship, about coming to terms with your sexuality, about how love can blind you and make you weak and strong at the same time, and about prejudice. But essentially it is a story about love.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: So this is my new Huntbastian project and I already have the first three chapters written out. Thanks to Tess(heykurtniceplie on tumblr) and Amanda(iceicebucky), my wonderful betas. **

**Lover I don't have to love**

_Your hands on me  
__Pressing hard against your jeans  
__Your tongue in my mouth  
__Trying to keep the words from coming out  
__You didn't care to know  
__Who else may have been you before  
__I want a lover I don't have to love  
__I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk  
__- Bright Eyes_

Hunter leaned against the headboard, the cold wood feeling so out of place against his scorching skin. A drop of sweat trickled down his chest, chasing a path down his torso before disappearing into nothingness. His heart was thrumming erratically against his chest, as though it was trying to break free into the cold night. He couldn't blame it. A part of him wanted to jump out of the window and take off too.

He didn't want to look down, he didn't want to acknowledge the other presence in the room. The warm body that he felt pressed against his thigh. The soft snores coming from the person reminded Hunter that it was true. The stickiness of come on his stomach reminded him of how much he had enjoyed it, but the burning feeling in his cheeks revealed the inevitable shame he felt for liking something like that. Something so carnal and passionate, like the flicker of a flame in a dark room sending tantalising shadows in the wall surroundered by an ethereal orange glow.

His forced his eyes to drag over the sleeping body that was barely covered by thin sheets. He had never seen Sebastian so peaceful before, never seen the boy lower his guard to this extent. The usually fierce eyes were hidden beneath his heavy eyelids, framed by the simple beauty of his long lashes that Hunter admitted to having never noticed before now. The ever-present tenseness in Sebastian's shoulder was replaced with a placidness that only sleep could cause, lulling the boy into a sense of security. His lips that were curved in a smirk more often than not were now just a straight line of tiredness. Hunter watched the nearly unnoticeable rise and fall of his chest that betrayed the fact that the boy was breathing. It was not a dream.

But it felt like something out of a dream, Hunter mused, as taunting memories of naked skin, sweaty limbs and subtle moans washed over him. Almost as clear as day, he could remember the look of Sebastian's green eyes when he came. The way his eyes widened with desperation and his lips parting in a silent cry just before the green orbs rolled back into his head as he let out a muffled whine of pleasure. Those emerald eyes jeered him when Hunter tried to close his eyes to catch a drop of sleep afterwards.

Apparently Sebastian didn't have the same concern, judging by the way the boy was draped over the bed, occupying more than half of it. Maybe it was the alcohol that finally kicked in. But Hunter knew, he just knew that it was probably the peace of mind that came along with not lying to yourself. Sebastian didn't lie. If anything he was upfront about his thoughts and intentions, painfully so.

But Hunter? Hunter wanted to believe that he was an honest man. He wanted to believe that he was the type of man people looked up to and that his children will be proud of some day. A low laugh threatened to rip through his chest into the cold night. He was far from the man he wanted to be. His chest clenched tightly at the ungodly thoughts he had been having lately, almost all of them centralising around Sebastian's ass. He wasn't supposed to be having those thoughts. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about Sebastian fucking Smythe at all. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about fucking Sebastian Smythe either.

Hunter wanted to bang his fist against the wall and growl for being so stupid. For acting on an impulse that hadn't left his mind for the past weeks. For being willing to sacrifice everything he had built since he had promised himself that he would never think about a man in that way again. But one Warbler house party was everything it took. One party, two deviant Warblers and a handful of lies.

Trent's house was huge. It was one of those suburban houses that were ridiculously beautiful and large for a family of three, but still held an ounce of charm weighted on the shoulders of the numerous pictures on the wall. For as long as he could remember, Hunter had never seen a single picture of himself doing anything goofy as a child. The photos on the wall of his house in Colorado always portrayed some achievement that was worthy of framing on the wall. Pictures of Hunter and his father catching a large fish, the time when he won a football game or when he won his first and only Spelling Bee. If it wasn't for the photo, Hunter wouldn't even have remembered participating in the competition, but his parents didn't forget. The pictures of him were few compared to the many achievements of his siblings, but there was an unspoken rule in the house that you had to do something remarkable in order to earn that spot. When he won Regionals with his show choir in military school, the picture of them celebrating with the trophy was never displayed. Hunter never questioned it.

But as large as Trent's house was, he could still hear the music playing in the background. It was some popular song that was always on the radio. Over the faint tunes, he could distinguish some of the Warblers singing along to it. He knew that he should be downstairs in the hall with them, playing whatever stupid drinking game they had started, but he was stuck on the second floor staring at pictures of a tiny Trent. It wasn't the pictures itself that made him stare, but the whole atmosphere. Sebastian had vanished about half an hour ago and no one had seen him since.

When Sebastian left, it was as though someone extracted something from Hunter. The music wasn't as fun anymore when he couldn't steal a glance at Sebastian's direction to see the boy roll his eyes. Talking wasn't that interesting when he didn't have the taller Warbler's eyes and attention on him. Making a joke seemed pointless when he couldn't hear his bright laughter that the other always tried to hold back.

Almost on its own accord, Hunter's feet gravitated towards the second floor in the disguise of finding a bathroom. If you asked him, he would never admit that he was looking for Sebastian. Just as he thought about giving up and going back down again, he saw the culprit in question emerge from a guest room. Hunter deduced that he must have been talking to someone as he just pocketed his phone.

"Not feeling the party, Clarington? It is our victory party, after all," Sebastian's voice seemed so far away, distracted almost. His eyes were hard around the edges, as though he had just been fighting with someone. Sebastian's shoulders were tenser than usual, a fact that didn't slip past Hunter. Hunter felt the burning itch to find out who he had been talking to.

"I needed to find the bathroom," Hunter replied coolly, his hand clutching the plastic cup ever tighter. He hadn't had so much to drink, but he could see from the glassy look in Sebastian's eyes that the other hadn't been as reserved as him.

"And you stayed for the show?"

There was a sway to Sebastian's step as he came closer to Hunter, so close that there were only a few feet separating them. The look on Sebastian's face was even clearer than before and his breath revealed that he had been drinking something a little stronger than the wine coolers Trent had provided. Hunter's eyes flickered to Sebastian's lips that looked so dry, and he just wanted to lean forward and wet them with his own. He felt the urge to pin him against the wall and taste the alcohol on his lips, to feel the warmth radiating from them. But the fantasy flashes of their lips pressed together were just that; fantasies. The only thing Hunter was drinking was wine cooler straight from his tacky plastic cup and he was the one whose back was almost pressed against the wall.

Before Hunter knew it, Sebastian's face was merely inches away from his own. "If I didn't know better, I would say that you came looking for me." His annoying smirk toyed with the corners of his lips, tugging and pulling the edge of Hunter's fluttering heart.

"Luckily you know better. I didn't even notice that you were gone," Hunter lied smoothly, arching an eyebrow as to question why the boy was standing so close to him. He sneaked a hand between the two of them, placing it firmly on Sebastian's chest. He had every intent to use it to push Sebastian's away. To create a safe distance between the two of them to ensure his ability to breath properly again. But instead his hand lay limp on Sebastian's hard chest, slowly filling Hunter's mind with images of what he looked like underneath that casual American Apparel polo.

"You have terribly wandering eyes for a guy who claims to be straight," Sebastian's voice was calm and steady in contrast to Hunter's heart that was beating heavily in his chest. This time he did push him away. The action was surer than he felt and with one clear signal; step away. Sebastian did step away, letting Hunter take a deep breath. But it still felt as though Sebastian was up his personal space. No matter how far he stood, he was still a lingering presence in Hunter's mind.

That moment was when Hunter made a quick judgement and as quick judgements most, it was dreadful. "Straight guys can have fun after a few beers, right?" he asked, but the question he asked wasn't what it seemed to be. The real question was not as upfront, but he was sure that Sebastian still got the point. 'Are you up for the challenge?'

It was simple, really. Pretend that he had too much to drink and that his raging teenage hormones encouraged him to experiment the way many straight boys had done before him. It didn't make him any less straight. It didn't mean anything because Sebastian didn't mean anything to him.

For a second Sebastian's expressive eyes just stared at him, measuring him with a scrutinising stare to make up his alcohol-addled mind on whether Hunter was being serious or not. "Why?"

Hunter rolled his eyes and emitted a false giggle that rang in all the wrong ways in his ears. It was fake, it was forced and it was all just pretence. But if he acted drunk enough, he could get away with it without consequences. "Come on Sebastian.. I've seen how you look at me." The change was instantaneous. Where Hunter was guarded and reserved just two minutes ago, he now willingly took a step towards Sebastian with a smirk. The noises from the first floor meant that no one was going to come looking for them anytime soon and Hunter wanted so badly to give in to his instincts.

Ever since he laid eyes on the previous Warbler captain, it had been increasingly hard for him to contain himself and half of the time he wanted to press him against a wall and bite Sebastian's bottom lip until the other whimpered for a kiss. He wanted to mark Sebastian as his own, brand his skin with a hickey so dark that everyone could see it. He wanted his name to be the only one on Sebastian's lips. And it seemed as though he was getting what he wanted.

Sebastian's eyes darted between Hunter and the stairs for a moment, as though he was contemplating his options. But for some reason he grabbed Hunter by the shirt and pulled him forward. Hunter expected a kiss that was so hard that it bruised, but what he got instead was Sebastian's soft breath against his lips and his green eyes so impossibly close that he could see every single ridge in his sparkling irises. Their lips were inches apart, their breaths intermingling all though it felt to Hunter as though he couldn't breathe. He knew what Sebastian was doing, but he wanted it to be different. He didn't want Sebastian to ask him for permission to kiss him. He wanted it to be brutal and quick, a passing fling that would remain unspoken. At least that way he could pretend that it as just a spur of the moment thing. That he didn't really want it.

Without hesitation, he licked his lips and dove in for a kiss. It was hard and hasty without a single trace of the innocent first kiss that was often shared between people. There was no testing of waters, no uncertainty, no going back. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Hunter remembered a quote he had read somewhere about the best kiss being the one that had been exchanged a thousand times between the eyes before it reached the lips. He had pictured this kiss so many times before and between getting eye-fucked by Sebastian and catching the other boy staring at his lips, he was sure that Sebastian had too. But it didn't mean that the kiss was a disappointment. Even through the little alcohol Hunter had consumed, he felt the warmth that spread through his cheeks. He felt the tingling on his lips that he tried to quench by kissing him even harder, but most of all he felt the demanding presence of Sebastian's hands on his lower back. It was intoxicating in the best of ways.

Hunter got caught in the simplicity that was their lips sliding together. The edge that was their wandering hands on each other's bodies, desperate to explore the vast expenses of untouched skin. His palms pressed into the swell of Sebastian's ass in a demanding manner as he forced the other's lips apart. Not that Sebastian minded. For Hunter it was so different from the fruity chapsticks and soft lips he had encountered the past months. There was nothing feminine in the way Sebastian's slight stubble rubbed against his chin, nothing girly about the low moan that vibrated between their lips and definitely nothing womanly about the half-hard bulge in Sebastian's pants that was pressed against his thigh.

Hunter forced himself to act sloppier than he felt, letting his hands roam aimlessly up Sebastian's ass and up his back. The soft material of his polo was intrusive and annoying between his fingers and Sebastian's flushed skin and he just wanted more. More of everything that he had denied himself, more Sebastian. "Guest room," Sebastian's voice rasped against Hunter's bottom lip just before he bit down, sending Hunter's mind into a dive. One of those when you jump from the topmost diving board and plunge into the cold waters without second thought, the swooping feeling in the pit of your stomach and you just know that there is no turning back now.

Prying his lips from Sebastian's, he grabbed a fistful of the boy's infuriating polo and dragged him to the room nearby that Sebastian previously came from. It was dark safe for the thin beam of light seeping in from outside and Sebastian's hand fumbled for the light switch, but Hunter swatted it away. He couldn't do this in full light. He couldn't pretend to be drunk. He couldn't see Sebastian's in blaring light and still do what he wanted to do. And god, he wanted to do everything with this boy. His throat clenched at the thought of sinking to his knees and humming around Sebastian's cock, sending the boy in a state of pleasured shock. He wanted to do everything to him and make Sebastian say his name over and over again. Not one of those boys that he bragged about at the dinner hall on a Sunday afternoon, but his name. Hunter.

"I should have pegged you as the shy closeted type," Sebastian smirked, diving in for another kiss that Hunter indulged. His words didn't sting as he had anticipated, but the truthfulness of them rang in their air between them like a siren. "Does this look like someone who is shy?" he bit back with a sneer, pushing Sebastian into the soft bed as he straddled him. He tried not to think that he was overcompensating and instead focused on the way Sebastian was spread out underneath him; the usually so arrogant boy pinned between himself and the bed.

"The cat has claws," Sebastian retorted coolly, tugging Hunter's shirt up from where it was neatly tucked into his jeans. The casual brush of Sebastian's long fingers sent shivers down his spine, warm and fluttery. "Let's see if you can deliver as well. You put on quite the show, Clarington, but you aren't fooling me."

For a person who was considerably inebriated to the point where his eyes lost a little of their edge and his words bore an imprint of a slur, Sebastian was awfully talkative for Hunter's taste. He wanted to take, to conquer, and to quench his thirst. Not sit around and table and have a fucking tea party. "Do you ever stop talking?" Hunter growled, tipping Sebastian's head to the side to issue a bruising kiss to the side of his neck. He was working on autopilot almost, dragging his lips over the cologne-scented skin and tasting the salty sweat that was more intoxicating than he wanted to believe. His teeth brushed against the soft skin in a teasing manner and he couldn't help but grin when he felt Sebastian fall slack under his touch. It lasted for a few precious seconds before Sebastian was back again, his shoulders tense and posture guarded. With a swift motion he turned them around so that Hunter was lying beneath him. His hands were pressed against Hunter's shoulder blades, making it impossible for him to escape. But how could Hunter mind when he felt the glee of feeling Sebastian's now fully hard erection against his body

"Make me," Sebastian grinned playfully against Hunter's ear, his softness of his breath tickling his skin. Nimble fingers carding into Sebastian's hair, Hunter tugged the boy away from him before he could say anything else. He pulled Sebastian's polo over his head, exposing the tanned skin underneath that somehow looked even more appealing in moonlight than he could have imagined. Hunter knew that Sebastian was fit and he had fantasised about his hard muscular chest, but nothing had prepared him for this. The smooth muscles on his chest were contrasted by his toned abs that were just begging to be touched. "Don't look so gobsmacked, Clarington. The fangirling look doesn't suit you," he laughed. Hunter rolled his eyes and pushed himself up for a kiss that was even harder than before; if such a thing was possible. Sebastian was straddling him, but he was adamant about not letting the boy have control over him. Not tonight. Tonight was about taking. To take what he wanted once and for all so that he could stop having these infuriating thoughts about Sebastian Smythe.

"I thought I already told you to shut up. Your voice is killing my boner," Hunter scoffed. As much as he wanted to run his fingers over Sebastian's chest and spend hours just touching and teasing him, he couldn't do that tonight. At some point the alcohol was going to wear out and then he wouldn't have an excuse to be there. His hands made a quick work of Sebastian's pants and pulled them down. Sebastian kicked them off hastily, but not before retrieving a small packet of lube and a condom from them. "At least some of us came prepared," he smirked.

"If you don't shut up, I'm going to make you," Hunter groaned, turning them around again. His heels were pressed into Sebastian ankles, and his hips were flush against Sebastian's erection. He was wearing too many clothes, a fact Sebastian was all too willing to do something about. Before long there was no pretence between them, no clothes to hide behind. Nothing except two boys in a dark room with lingering glances and curious hands.

Hunter felt his cock against Sebastian's and instinctively thrust down. The moan that escaped Sebastian's lips was enough to make him continue rutting against him until they were both gasping for more. The cold air around them wasn't cold anymore and it felt as though his skin was on fire. Hunter ached for more and Sebastian demanded more with his lips that bit and licked on Hunter's neck. It had been so long since Hunter had been with a boy and he didn't need to pretend that he was drunk to act like he was out of control. He was under the influence of Sebastian, drunk on everything the boy had to offer. Every touch made him slip further and further into a darker place where everything felt right. "I want to fuck you," he gasped, rolled his head back when Sebastian sucked a hickey to his neck. He couldn't bring himself to care that it would leave a bruise that he would have to cover up the next day. All he could think about was Sebastian's rough lips on him, urging him for more.

"What makes you think that you have deserved that right?" Sebastian retorted easily. "Virgins get to bottom and let the experienced boys take control." Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was just the momentary insanity that had taken over his body, but Hunter let out a mocking laugh. "You think I'm a virgin? How cute," he snorted as he tried to mark his claim by pushing Sebastian hard against the bed. In all honesty he had to admit that he wanted to feel Sebastian inside of him. He wanted to feel the delicious stretch and the grounding burn that followed right after, but seeing Sebastian underneath him was too good to let go. "Thank you for proving my point that you are not straight," Sebastian grinned with an evil gleam in his eyes, as though Hunter just played right into his hands, just where he wanted him. "You may get to top, but I'm still fucking you so good tonight," Sebastian swore, his hands leaving a scorching trail of heat as it roamed over his ass. "I bet you haven't had anything up here for so long, have you? You must be starving for it," he smirked, pinching Hunter's ass cheek. Hunter let out a sharp yelp and punched Sebastian's chest with little to no force. "I told you, Smythe. I'm not into boys in that way, but since you are so conveniently here and I'm horny, I'll let it pass for now." The words were so well-rehearsed that they were on autopilot in his mind. They left his lips effortlessly, the lie rolling into the dark room and shrivelling up once they left his lips as they both knew that it wasn't true. Sebastian looked right through him and Hunter hated it. He hated it so much. He could feel droplets of anger gather on his skin, running down his spine, urging him to do something about it. Wipe that smirk off of Sebastian's face. Make him shut up.

Hunter swatted away Sebastian's fingers and slicked two of his own digits with the lube that Sebastian brought with him. In any other circumstance he would have laughed at him, but right now he just wanted to feel him in every way possible. Quickly he thrust two lubed fingers inside of him despite the slightly awkward position on Sebastian's lap. His head rolled forward in a silent moan as his fingers pumped in and out of him. He wasn't used to doing it himself, but he would be damned before he asked Sebastian Smythe for help.

Hunter saw Sebastian looked up in awe, his eyes dragging over his frame that was slightly bent on top of him. He was so lost in his own movements and pleasure, and Sebastian let out a laugh as he leaned forward and attached his lips to a nipple. A low moan rippled through Hunter's chest. Before he knew it, he saw three fingers pistoning into him and couldn't do anything but just take it. Sebastian's mind was clouded with thoughts of being buried inside Hunter's tight hole, thrusting into the boy to make the uptight captain fall apart on top of him. "Fuck.. You really aren't a virgin," he smirked, earning a glare from Hunter. "No straight guy takes it up their ass that well, babe," Sebastian drawled teasingly, as though to get a rise from him. Hunter was that much more amusing when he was irritated. Hunter, on the other hand, couldn't help but wish that Sebastian was too drunk to talk.

"Shut up, or I'm going to finish this all alone," Hunter rolled his eyes as he scissored his fingers patiently. However, all patience went out the window when he glanced down to see Sebastian fisting his own cock, his face contorted in pleasure. A possessive need came over Hunter and he slapped Sebastian's hand away. As hot as it was to watch, he wanted to be the one to give him pleasure. He wanted to be the one who made him gasp and cry when he finally came. Sliding the condom over Sebastian's impressive length, he balanced his hands on Sebastian's shoulders, lowering himself slowly. Sebastian clenched the sheets around him to keep himself from thrusting up before Hunter was ready for it. "Fuck, you are tight.." he moaned through gritted teeth.

Hunter let out a soft whimper when he felt Sebastian stretch him and he was all the way in. He hadn't felt so full in over a year and it made his head spin with excitement. He was trembling from the feeling of being so intimate with another person, even though everything in his mind screamed that it was wrong. Right now it didn't matter because his body was in charge and it was telling him that it was right. Kissing Sebastian passionately, he started bouncing on Sebastian's cock, welcoming the initial burn with open arms. The slight pain reminded him that he was alive, that this was really happening. He was riding Sebastian Smythe, the school playboy.

Hunter found an angle that brushed against his prostate every time he pushed himself down on Sebastian's length, making him pant in soft cries despite his own wishes to keep quiet. His only consolation was that Sebastian was just as bad as him. Sebastian's eyes were half-closed and his lips were parted in a string of moans and praises that went straight to Hunter's cock. He was sure that he had never seen anything as beautiful as Sebastian before. He had never encountered anything as gorgeous and deadly, almost like a poisonous snake that had him under his spell. One wrong move and he knew Sebastian could end his reputation at school. But at the same time he couldn't help but feel drawn to the boy in an insane way that he couldn't explain. He needed more of Sebastian and he needed it now.

Heat curled in his groin, urging him for more. Despite the fact that he hadn't bottomed in a while, all he could do was ignore the dwindling burn and take what he wanted – no, what he needed. Driven by desperation, he rode Sebastian with broken moans that he couldn't control, no matter how hard he tried. "Fuck fuck fuck.." he groaned, digging his blunt nails into Sebastian's chest, feeling the other man respond to his rough touch with a moan of his own. "Hunt.. Fuck.. Faster," Sebastian growled. Their eyes locked together for a second and Hunter could see that Sebastian wanted this just as much as he did. They needed it. For that brief second it felt as though the world stood still and he couldn't look away. He was mesmerized by the look of Sebastian's face, the look of being completely debauched with puffy lips, red cheeks and the sheer and utter look of desperation in his eyes that begged him for more – anything, just as long as it was more. Then a moan dragged from Sebastian's lips and Hunter lost it completely. He let lose of whatever shards of control he had left and gave in to the throws of pleasure that he felt curling around his spine. He didn't care how he looked or what Sebastian thought of him. Clenching tightly around the other, he leaned down to brush his lips against his sweaty collarbone, enjoying the musky scent of Sebastian that was so genuinely male. Gone were the nauseatingly floral perfumes and lipstick stains. Sebastian was a boy and god, did he love that.

"Touch me," Hunter demanded, his voice raspy and pained from being so close to his orgasm. He expected Sebastian to say something snarky in response and tease him, but he was so, so close to giving into tight heat swelling in his groin and just needed the extra push to pull him over the edge. But Sebastian's hand wrapped around his throbbing cock and the boy pumped in time with his erratic thrusts, bringing him closer to bliss. "F-fuck!" Before long Hunter felt the heat spread to his entire body in tingling waves, crashing over him impossibly – again and again – until he collapsed on top of Sebastian. He felt the other boy's limp cock fall out of him with a wet slide and knew that he had made Sebastian come as well. The sound of his name on Sebastian's lips as he came was etched in his mind like a teasing reminder of everything that he wanted. Everything that he finally got.

Hours later Hunter was still staring at the sleeping boy with a frown on his forehead. The alcohol in his system was long gone and all that was left was the faint memory of a nervewreckingly delicious orgasm and the flashes in his mind of their two bodies entangled. A part of him wanted to stay. He wanted to stay and cuddle with him like in the ending of a happy movie. Admit his undeniable attraction and start dating. The ending credits would show pictures of them on various dates, growing older with each other until there were two graves beside each other in the end. But that ending was not for Hunter, and definitely not with Sebastian. Maybe under different circumstances. Maybe in a different life where love was as easy as breathing, where attraction was something he could risk, where people were just that; people. Not a boy or a girl and the stigma that came along with that choice, but a place where everyone was equal. But Hunter didn't live in that world and Sebastian wasn't that person for him.

When the morning sun came creeping into the room, Hunter pulled on his clothes in perfect silence and slipped out before Sebastian woke up.

**AN: I hoped you guys liked it. I had a lot of fun writing it! Reviews are love :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Once again, I'd like to thank my lovely beta Tess who is both my biggest cheerleader and the person who tugs on my ear whenever I write something stupid.**

**Chapter two: Addicted**

_I'm so addicted to all the things_

_You do when you're going down on me_

_In between the sheets_

_Or the sound you make _

_With every breathe you take_

_It's not like anything_

_When you're loving me  
- _Saving Abel

Sometimes people do something for the last time to quench their thirst once and for all. One last cigarette, one last fuck, one last date. We convince ourselves to believe that the longing will go away if we do it one more time. As though the thrill will go away and the appeal will magically fade. Maybe it works for some people, but in Hunter's case it only made the itch worse. Ever since that night with Sebastian Smythe, he couldn't wash away the memory of the boy's body pressed against his own. He couldn't erase the image of Sebastian's lust-blown eyes and when the moon was hung low on the sky and his room was cold and dark, it wasn't easy to keep the sounds of Sebastian's moans away.

It had been entire two weeks since that episode. Two weeks of dodging imaginary bullets from Sebastian that never came. He expected to be met with goading and teasing, or at least a stray remark. But apart from misplaced stares, Sebastian didn't say a word. The Warblers were easy to fool. He just said that he had drunk too much and took a cab back to Dalton. But Sebastian? He just looked at him with that same judging expression that implied that he knew Hunter was full of lies. There was something about the smirk he donned with pride that made Hunter go insane and at times it felt as though the other was teasing him silently. But he never said anything. Hunter didn't know what was worse. The deafening silence or the taunting glares. A part of him wished that Sebastian would just call him out on his bullshit so that he could _tell_ the other that he wasn't gay. However, another part of him shied away from the confrontation. A tiny, miniscule part of his mind contemplated telling him the truth, but that thought was even scarier than all the other put together. So he did the best thing he could and shoved the thoughts aside. Out of sight, out of mind.

Usually Hunter looked forward to Warbler practices, but the past two weeks it gave him a headache. Whenever Sebastian opened his mouth to say something - all though most of it was critique - his heart started beating faster, worrying about what Sebastian might say. He was living in a constant state of fear where his nerves jumped just at the sight of the brown-haired boy. But he never said anything. Not until now.

Hunter was stacking stray pages of sheet music that that the Warblers left behind after practice. He was thinking about how relaxing it would be to take a nice, warm shower to calm his nerves when he heard someone clearing their throat behind him. Without even looking, his heart jumped in his chest. _Please don't let it be Sebastian. Please don't let it be Sebastian. Please don't let it be Sebastian,_ he chanted in his mind as he turned around.

"Smythe," Hunter's voice was sugary sweet and unnaturally high. "Do you need help with the song?" he asked, jumping at the chance of having the first word. Maybe if he pretended that nothing was wrong, Sebastian wouldn't want to bring up anything uncomfortable. "Your dance steps seemed to be lagging somewhat at the bridge," he offered, trying to be as professional as possible as steer the conversation on a safe path from the start. They hadn't talked about it for two weeks. What was the possibility that Sebastian wanted to talk about it now? He probably just wanted a solo, something he definitely deserved, but Hunter had been putting off that decision so that he wouldn't have to talk to Sebastian anytime soon. But at the same time, he found himself wanting to be closer to him. It was highly confusing, to say the least.

"My dance steps are perfect," Sebastian scoffed, his eyes accusing and this time he was judging more than the seemingly perfect facade that Hunter was hiding behind. "But that wasn't what I wanted to talk about," Sebastian smirked, so carelessly as though nothing in the world could touch him. There was something in the whole way Sebastian carried himself, as though he was walking on a silk cushion carpet meant for royalty only. Nothing swayed him; nothing affected him besides to earn a simple scoff and a snarl at most. It was infuriating at its best and terrifying at its worst.

Hunter wasn't one of those kids who second-doubted himself to the point of a breakdown. He was relatively sure of his assets and at any given point, he could tell anyone three of his weaknesses and three of his strengths without even batting an eyelash. He was certain of his abilities and people rarely caught him off guard. But the calmness that Sebastian possessed haunted him like a ghost. Dread crept up his skin at Sebastian's words, the prickling feeling of goosebumps running up his arms.

"So what do you want to talk about? You know that I haven't decided on a solo yet. Jeff asked like.. fifteen minutes ago," Hunter rolled his eyes. The papers in his hands were already neatly stacked and his fingers itched to have something else to fiddle with without looking like an idiot. He hated that Sebastian could make him feel like this. But he hated it more when his heart fluttered at the thought of Sebastian giving him any sort of attention. It was a hopeless game of tug-o-war where one side strived to be closer to the asshole and the other tried to get as far away from him as possible.

"You, actually. I wanted to talk about you."

Hunter's blood ran cold at that statement, leaving behind all thoughts of how flattering it was that Sebastian was wasting time on him. No, now he just wanted to get out of there. He wanted to close his eyes and walk as fast as his legs could carry him and lock himself up in his single room where no one could bother him, not even Sebastian Smythe.

But running away would seem even more suspicious, so he cleared his throat and balled his fists around the brittle paper instead, feeling it bend under his nervous touch. "I already told you that I haven't decided on the solos yet - and yes - that includes myself," he feigned disinterest. Hunter stashed the sheet music in his messenger bag and slung it over his shoulder. He saw an opening for his departure and was more than willing to grab it. "I believe that will be it. I'll see you at practice tomorrow," he murmured hastily, making way to the door that was wide open. His steps were carefully calculated. He didn't want to walk too fast in case Sebastian thought that he was running away, but he didn't want to seem like he was lagging behind and thus giving the boy another opportunity to talk to him.

"...What about the fact that you are just as cock-loving as the next gay Warbler? Is that something we will talk about at practice tomorrow too?" Sebastian hissed under his breath, but the sound reached Hunter's ears easily.

Hunter emitted a soft gasp, the grip he had around his bag tightening without reason. The words washed against his mind like a sea of ice cold water against a rock. Numbing, shattering, painful. His fight-or-flight instincts kicked in and yet again, he felt an inexplanable need to run out the door and lock himself in his room. The thick walls of his single dorm room would provide the safety and isolation that he needed. But the fact of the matter was that Sebastian was _there_ and he was very real. No matter how much he wanted to run, couldn't run away from this.

The only thing he could do was to slam the massive door shut, trapping both of them inside the choir room. If he couldn't escape, neither could Sebastian. But most importantly, he didn't want anyone to be listening in on their conversation. His mind was already reeling at the thought of someone hearing Sebastian's crude words, but his only consolation was that this part of the school was relatively empty after school hours.

"I'm not-" he started before Sebastian interrupted him.

"Save your bullshit for someone else, Clarington. The bottom line is that you are not completely straight and I'm more than okay with that. I don't want to listen to your sob story on why you don't dare come out of the closet. I'm not interested in reassurances that you like girls too, if you even like girls," Sebastian took a deep breath, but he made it look like an intentional rhetorical pause. Within the short gap it gave Hunter, he managed to wheeze in a, "I do. I do like girls," making Sebastian roll his eyes dramatically. If Sebastian wasn't so pretty, Hunter was sure that someone would have punched his face in for being so annoying all the time.

"Honestly? I couldn't care less," Sebastian drawled. Hunter wanted to speak up and tell him that he didn't like boys in that way, but he knew that Sebastian would see straight through his lie. He felt trapped and teased for air and the fact that Sebastian still didn't tell him what he wanted with him made him feel like a lab speciment. Sebastian was taunting him, prodding him with a stick to see how he would react, or so it felt. The uneasiness he felt clung to him like an extra layer of clothes, weighing him down. It was like a sticky sheen of sweat that he couldn't wash away, suffocating him until he couldn't take it anymore. What was Sebastian waiting for? For him to crack? His cheeks were flushed and he could feel the prickly redness creep down his neck and chest as well. He could hear his own heart beating, beating and beating but he couldn't make it stop. His own body was betraying him in the worst way possible and there was nothing he could do about it. There was only one way he could describe this feeling: fear. Red, hot, blinding fear.

But Sebastian held his eerily calm posture and pushed through with his words, adamant on making Hunter hear them, whether he liked it or not. Hunter wasn't sure whether he was imagining it because of his state of mind, or whether Sebastian really had a sardonic smile on his face. As much as he hated it, even that looked horrifyingly handsome on his features.

"What I _do_ care about, however, is that you are actually not a bad fuck," Sebastian said smugly. "When you live in a boarding school, your choices are quite limited and believe it or not, the gay bars in the neighbourhood aren't exactly overflowing with hot, young, attractive men. And those who are I've already tried out," he smirked proudly. Not _conquered_ or _made love to_ or even _fucked_, Hunter noticed. No, instead Sebastian talked about the boys as though they were free samples of juice. The taste of twink. Limited edition, get your free sample now. It should have felt degrading to be objectified like that, but at that moment Hunter couldn't think about anything else than what Sebastian as trying to say with his cryptic words. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't mind if it happened again'" Sebastian finally stated. Again, Hunter wasn't sure if he had just imagined it, but he thought he saw a flicker of uncertainty on Sebastian's face. But in the state he was in, he brushed it away as a figment of his imagination.

"I already told you, I'm not inter-" Hunter was stopped by a pair of warm lips against his own. Warm, wet lips that tasted faintly of coffee and mint gum. It was the same taste that he had craved for two weeks now. The same tingling that he had awakened to every single day. Unable to help himself, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Sebastian's. He could feel Sebastian's fingers in the back of his neck, urging him closer. It was as though Hunter had stepped into a new world. He could still hear his heartbeat as clear as day and feel the fear of being caught, but it almost didn't matter when he could feel, taste and smell Sebastian so close to him. He was starved for his attention and he was finally getting it back. Sebastian's fingers were teasing the loose strands of hair on the nape of his neck and he could almost feel his willpower bend like wet clay in Sebastian's talented hand.

When Sebastian pulled away, it was with a smirk that contrasted Hunter's dazed look. "Do you want to try that again?" He teased, but there was friendliness behind those words that Hunter had never heard from Sebastian before. Was that what it would be like to be Sebastian's friend and not his enemy? Hunter found himself wanting to be in that selected group of people in the inner core of Sebastian, those who got the opportunity to see past the nonchalant smirk and the horrible attitude.

His heart was beating irregularly in his chest and his eyes darted between Sebastian's brilliant green orbs. "You are never going to take a risk like that again," he growled breathlessly, licking his lips to savour the lingering taste of Sebastian on them. "You are never going to put me in a position where people can see us or hear us. Do I make myself clear?" He asked, his voice authoritative. He was channelling the natural born leader voice that he used during practice that he learned at military school. He didn't feel as certain as he felt, but as long as he got the message along to Sebastian, he didn't care either. It was all about the impression he gave. He just needed to look strong. In military school he learned that a group was only as strong as its weakest link, but Hunter had always thought that it counted for people too. A person was only as strong as he or she allowed themselves to be. If you let your weakness show, you couldn't be as strong as you could. In Hunter's mind, being strong was the same as hiding your flaws. And his greatest flaw right now was his uncertainty and the paralysing fear he felt when he thought about getting caught.

"I never intended to out you, Clarington. That's not my style," Sebastian scoffed. For a moment he looked mildly uncomfortable, as though something Hunter said had actually managed to weasel its way underneath his thick skin. But a second later, the look was gone and replaced with his usual confident smile. "But you were being a brat and didn't want to listen to me. So I had to resort to desperate measures," he shrugged. Hunter had seen that look in Sebastian's eyes too many times to ignore their meaning. It was his trademark 'I don't care what you think about me'-look and it drove him insane every single time. Half of the time he wanted to whip him into shape and show him what respect and responsibility meant. What it meant to be accountable for your actions and for him to stop being the spoiled brat he was. But the other half of the time, his treacherous heart wanted to caress his cheek and kiss his forehead for being so devilishly annoying but yet cute.

"That still doesn't give you the right to do what you did," Hunter grumbled, rolling his eyes. Sebastian was still standing close to him, their chests almost touching. The blush on his cheeks was disappearing slowly, but he could still feel the phantom burn there. "Anyone could have heard you. Anyone of the Warblers could have come back because they forgot something. They still can," he realised the last part and straightened himself up. Rearranging the bag on his shoulder, he stepped away from Sebastian until there was a comfortable and safe distance between them.

Sebastian always did the things that Hunter least expected him too, like to smile boyishly in a situation like this. "Meaning that you are willing to do this just as long as it isn't in a semi-public place?" he smirked.

Hunter's jaw dropped for a second. "I- I guess not," he murmured, the words spilling out of his lips before he could even think them through. But the fact was that he was tired of pining after Sebastian. The last two weeks had been torturous and the feeling that he thought would go away hadn't disappeared at all. If anything, it had just grown now that he knew how good it could be. His skin prickled at the thought and he had to fight off a grin. He was really losing his mind, wasn't he? In between fear of being caught and being nervous to be confronted by Sebastian, he almost forgot the fluttering feeling in his heart when he thought about Sebastian in the privacy of his room.

If Sebastian was as shocked as Hunter was, he certainly didn't show it. "That was what I thought. There is no point in denying yourself what you want, Hunter," he murmured, slinking closer to him. But for every step Sebastian took, Hunter stepped back like they were participating in a dangerous dance. A passionate tango, maybe. Just the thought of it made Hunter want to snort.

Was he seriously even thinking about this? Throw caution to the wind and just… live? Just breathe and do whatever he wanted to without thinking about the consequences? Even the thought of it made his head spin. He wasn't used to being so careless, but Sebastian coaxed out the part of him that wanted to flash his middle finger to the world and just do what he wanted. But was that really a life that Hunter could live with?

"No one can know," Hunter murmured with a slight nod. If he was careful enough, maybe he could get a little bit of both. He could keep the life he knew and still give in to what he wanted. What he now knew that Sebastian also wanted it. The adrenaline rush caught up with him, splaying out on his cheeks as a subtle blush. Sebastian knew that he liked boys. And maybe that wasn't such a bad thing? It was hard to wrap his head around it, but his pounding heart and the pulse that raced through his body made it hard for him to think straight. "If we do this.. _thing_.. no one can know about it. You can't say a word to anyone."

"Stop being so jumpy, Clarington," Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to tell anyone. But for future reference, no one here really cares whether you are gay or not. Anti-harassment policy and everything, you know?"

Empty words and empty promises, Hunter thought to himself. Sure, the school may offer a no-bullying policy, but he knew that there were always things that happened under the surface. No rule could change the prejudice people felt and even though people weren't allowed to punch him in the hallway didn't mean that they couldn't bad-mouth him behind closed doors. At military school the students weren't allowed to settle their own scores with their fists either, but that didn't mean that the faculty cared about what they did in the woods after school hours. They turned a blind eye to bruises and split lips. Who was to say that Dalton wouldn't do the same thing? There was a world outside school too, all though it was all too easy for forget when you attended boarding school. At some point Hunter was going to leave Dalton and face the real world. All of them had to. But the look on Sebastian's face told him that the other boy just didn't care. How many times had Sebastian told him to live in the present and worry about the future when the time came? It was always followed by a taunt on how uptight he was, of course. He knew that Sebastian wouldn't understand, so he just gave him a short nod. "Of course. But that doesn't mean that I have the burning desire to tell everyone about my sex life. Unlike you, I must add," he quipped, licking his lips.

Sebastian shot him a glare. "You are an idiot, Clarington. But luckily for you, you are a sexy idiot," he winked. Their eyes met for a few seconds, reflecting the teasing words that were on the tip of both boys' tongue. "_You_ may have to work on the idiot part more, Smythe. Your ego is starting to overshadow your sexiness and we wouldn't want that, would we?" Hunter rolled his eyes.

"And yet here you are, wanting to shag my brains out," Sebastian grinned. "My ego can't be that bad, in that case."

Hunter's lips quirked up in an amused smile. He was so screwed.

It was only later on that night when Sebastian snuck into his dorm room that Hunter realised what was going on. He was addicted. Like a smoker who took that last cigarette before they quit, he tried to quit Sebastian by having him once during the party. But he couldn't resist the magnetic pull the taller Warbler had on him. No, he craved Sebastian like a drug. Like a cigarette. And just like a drug, Sebastian messed with his mind and made it hard for him to make rational choices. He wasn't being his same cautious self. But he couldn't bring himself to care when Sebastian's talented hands was pulling his t-shirt off. He didn't dare think when he felt his wet lips pressing open-mouthed kisses to the sensitive spot on his neck. Hesitation wasn't even a thought on his mind when his naked body was pinned against the door and all he could see was Sebastian's emerald green eyes staring at him with lust-blown pupils. His mind was foggy with the impact of those eyes and Sebastian's warm body against his own and he couldn't bring himself to want to stop. How could he when he had everything he wanted?

Instead he pressed the palm of his hand against his lips to muffle his moans as Sebastian pounded him against the door. His legs were suspended in the air, but Sebastian was holding his weight up in his strong arms and Hunter just knew that he wouldn't fall to the ground. Or maybe it was too late for that. He was already falling. He was drowning in everything that was Sebastian Smythe. The cocky attitude, the infuriating smirks and that graceful way Sebastian carried himself. It all hit home just like Sebastian's thrusts, leaving him in a moaning, messy state of mind. His hands were clinging on to Sebastian desperately, his head rolled to the side to give the other boy space to devour his neck. In between pleas and broken whimpers of _more _and _oh god_ Hunter realised that he was gone. The beautiful boy in front of him that had his face scrunched up in pleasure as he grunted Hunter's name meant more to him that he cared to admit. It was more than a petty crush. Hunter wouldn't risk all this for a petty crush. He was addicted to Sebastian. He was in _love_. And just as he came to that realisation, his mind went blank with pleasure and he came with a loud, careless moan tumbling from his lips.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three: The Chain

_The sky looks pissed_  
_The wind talks back_  
_My bones are shifting in my skin_  
_And you my love are gone_  
- Ingrid Michaelson

The alarm clock on Hunter's desk flashed 5:30 for two seconds before it started its mechanical beeping. The red digits illuminated the dark room. The blinds were shut tight. It could have been the middle of the night or bright day outside, but the two bodies entwined together on the bed wouldn't even have noticed. Over the past few days, Hunter's single room had become their safe haven. The one place where no one would disturb them. No one dared to come to Hunter's room to ask him for help with symphonies or school work. No one knew that Sebastian was in Hunter's room, providing the green-eyed boy with shelter from the curious glances and degrading looks that he usually was met with by the student body. It was easy to see that people both feared Sebastian and pitied him, all though no one said it out loud. The taunting echoes of _whore_ and _slut_ rang in his ears every time he caught someone staring in disgust. But he was used to it. Hunter was just the new kid. The one that people didn't understand because he mostly kept to himself. The little they knew about him was enough to spin rumours thick as gold chains but with the solid base of a thin thread. They knew that he used to attend military school, but no one knew the real reason why. It didn't keep them from making up their own versions, though. So far, Hunter had heard different stories that implied he was a member of a gang, son of a mafia boss, a frequent visitor of juvenile prison, mentally deranged and that he had an unquenchable need to control anything and everything around him.

The stories didn't really bother him. If anything, they made him realise how far people were willing to go to figure out the truth and how much they were willing to believe about a complete stranger. However, the fact that he alienated himself from most of the student body meant that he was usually left alone and that was something the Warbler captain couldn't complain about.

His early waking hour just fuelled the stories about him, of course, but Hunter couldn't care. It was 5:30am and by most people's standards it was still the middle of the night, but he was fully rested and he had better things to do than to listen to Sebastian's soft snoring and watch the way his hair clung to his forehead in the early hours of the day when the hair wax he used was long overdue. Actually, there was a part of him – a very potent part – that _wanted_ to stay in bed and stare at Sebastian like a creep, to watch his eyes flutter softly as he woke up, to crack a smile and brush the softest of kisses to his lips just as Sebastian realised where he was. Hunter wanted to hold him in his arms and feel his chest rise and fall under his hand that was pressed close to his heart. He wanted to feel Sebastian's heavy pulse against his fingers, reminding him that this was all true. Sebastian was really in his bed and the past week wasn't a lie or a delusion that he made up in his mind to cope with the fact that he found himself being unexplainably attracted to this boy.

But every second he spent around Sebastian, every waking moment he touched his warm body, he felt himself slipping further and further into a dark abyss he knew nothing about. It was a strange land. One that was vast and endless and he could walk for hours in the dark without even seeing a drop of light. The road was relentless and cold, but familiar because it was all he knew. He would look up to the sky, expecting it to be just as dark as the rest of the world around him, but be overwhelmed by the thousands of stars over his head. There was a sea of stars above him, as brilliant as they were breathtaking. They were all solutions to what he could do. Some were brighter than others – the cleverer ideas – but there were too many. So many possibilities as to what he could to do with what he felt, but it was too much to wrap his mind around and Hunter couldn't help but think that sometimes he preferred the dark where he wouldn't have to choose. He didn't have to think. He didn't have to follow a path when he couldn't even see the path. He could just take a deep breath and try to feel his way around in the dark. Trust his basic instincts and just take the road that felt right. Sometimes the dark was just as good – if not better – than the light.

Hunter pushed the duvet aside, tucking it around Sebastian's sleeping frame as he got out of bed. The floor was cold and hostile, so in contrast to his warm bed that he longed to go back to. But he couldn't let himself be caught in a web of weakness and laziness. That was why he stuck to his early morning training schedule even after he transferred to Dalton.

As soundlessly as possible, he slipped into a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt. He fumbled in the dark to tie his track shoes, and when he left the room, Sebastian hadn't moved an inch or stirred once.

The cold air outside might have felt torturous for some, but Hunter found it refreshing. It kept his senses alert and mind awake. It was as though someone had jump-started his brain with electricity. He started off with a slow jog on the trackfield that was completely empty. It was early in the morning, but the sun was already peeking out from behind thick clouds, bathing the field in an orange glow. It was breathtakingly beautiful and Hunter couldn't understand why more people weren't awake to see this. Fools, he thought to himself. They didn't understand.

He broke into a run, feeling his lungs trying to keep up as he held the unyielding pace for as long as he could. Before long, sweat was trickling down his forehead and his legs were straining under pressure. His body was screaming for him to stop, to slow down and collapse on the soft grass under his shoes. His lungs were burning and his heart was beating relentlessly against his chest. He could hear ever fast beat as clear as day, the sound blaring between his ears. Hunter couldn't help but smile. This was what life was about. This was what it felt like to be alive, to feel blood course through your body and use sheer willpower to defy your instincts that begged you to stop. He was stronger than that. He was Hunter Clarington. Rebelling against the voice in his mind that urged him to stop running, he increased his pace and ran as fast as he could, as though he was being chased by someone. Or something. His cheeks were flushed red with exhaustion and the muscles in his thighs were quivering to stop. Finally, when he was so tired that his vision stared to blur, he collapsed on the soft ground below him. He knew that he had to get up right away and walk it off. Cool down by jogging slowly so that he wouldn't damage his body, but he just wanted to look at the sky for a few seconds.

When he went back to his room, he knew that Sebastian would be gone even before he opened the door. He always left without leaving a trace of his presence. Sometimes it was maddening and Hunter had to wonder if he was just making it all up in his mind. Today Sebastian was nowhere to see, but his sheets were folded neatly. Hunter's lips curved up in the faint resemblance of a smile before he hit the shower.

Breakfast at the Dalton cafeteria was always a hustle. There were all types of boys there: the ones that were barely awake and still in their pyjamas, the ones that had their noses pressed to a book that they are trying to read before a test, the ones who are obnoxiously loud for the early hour, the ones were Hunter couldn't tell if they are dead or alive… and the Warblers. It was an unspoken rule that the songbirds of the school owned the table nearest to the exit. It had been their table for years and years and every generation of the Warblers kept that tradition alive by eating with their brothers and fellow singers. Sebastian was no exception. Hunter slumped down on his seat at the end of the table, his legs still a little weak from running. But the flirty smile that Sebastian set his way made him sit up straight. From the corner of his eye, he saw Flint staring at him with puzzlement, as though he was trying to figure something out. "What?" Hunter snapped, hanging his blazer over the back of the chair.

Flint just shook his head and tried to conceal a laugh. Well, that was weird. Usually people followed Hunter's orders and he took pride in the fact that most of them didn't even dare to look at him straight in the eyes. He felt an uncomfortable prickle on the back of his neck and tried to ignore it as he forcefully shoved a spoon into his yoghurt. All eyes were on him again, all except for Sebastian who seemed oblivious where he was digging into a plate of bacon.

Hunter tilted his head up to glare at the boys with curious expressions on their faces. "What is wrong with you guys today?" he barked, making them all shuffle in their seats and engage in mindless conversation with each other.

All though they weren't looking at him anymore, Hunter couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. He couldn't place his finger on what, but something was amiss and he had a terrible feeling that it was something important. Dread crept up his spine as his eyes widened. The boys started looking at him like that after Sebastian's less than subtle smile. Did Sebastian say something before he arrived? Did they all know that their new captain was fucking the old one? His metal spoon fell on his tray with a sickening clatter, white yoghurt spilled against the black plastic.

"Hunter, dude, are you okay?" Nick asked with a sceptical look on his face. They knew. They knew and there was nothing Hunter could do about it. If he thought that the suffocating feeling he felt when he had run so fast for so long that he couldn't breath was bad, it was nothing compared to what he was experiencing now. His lungs constricted painfully, squeezing the breath out of him. They knew. Who else knew? Hunter's head spun around so fast that it gave him whiplash, but he pushed through. His eyes flickered between the tables, his desperation painfully obvious.

There were a few more students staring at him, some of them with curiosity, some with concern and some with bewilderment. But all Hunter could see in their eyes was judgement. They were judging him. They knew. They all knew. He became aware of his sweaty palms and his heartbeat that had picked up right where he left it when he collapsed on the ground outside. He would have given anything to run. To run away and never look back. To run as fast as his legs would carry him, far away from the boys who couldn't keep their eyes to themselves and the world that would judge him for who he was. He felt faint, as though he could fall to the ground any moment if he didn't hold on to the chair he was sitting on. All the eyes around the table were staring at him with worry, but Hunter could only see resentment and disgust in them.

He should have known that it was a bad idea. He should have known that he couldn't get away with it. But his weak heart gave in to Sebastian's wicked smile and talented lips. He couldn't believe that he had been trapped this way. Fooled in this manner by someone that he trusted. What did Sebastian say? Did he laugh and tell the other Warblers how pathetic he was when he had begged for more last night? When he had clung on to Sebastian's naked shoulders and impaled himself on his cock, did Sebastian look back at that moment and laugh?

Hunter felt something press in the corner of his eyes, something he hadn't felt in way too long. He felt embarrassed, humiliated, but most of all he felt betrayed.

With shaky legs, he stood up and looked straight into Sebastian's eyes. He knew that he could run away, but he was a Clarington and he wasn't going down without a fight. "Can I have a word with you, Smythe?" his voice was cold and composed, void of emotions as though they had been sucked through a vacuum. But his heart held all those thoughts that he couldn't bear to put in words.

Sebastian shuffled to his feet with a puzzled look, his eyes darting down to catch Hunter's. "Yeah, sure.." he murmured, but he sounded uncertain. Hunter led the way out of the noisy cafeteria, leaving the perplexed Warblers behind. Once they were in the empty hallway, Hunter pushed Sebastian against the wall. He had done it countless times before, always with a coy smile on his lips and a hearty laugh, but now his eyes shone with the hurt he felt. "What. Did. You. Tell. Them?" he spat, his hands pushing hard against Sebastian's chest. He could see the flash of fear in Sebastian's eyes, just before it was gone. He felt the other boy's heart thrum against his fingers – so different from earlier that day when Sebastian was peacefully asleep. So much could change in just a couple of hours.

"Wh-what are you talking about? Let me _go_," Sebastian bit back, shoving Hunter away, but his grip was tighter than Sebastian's and he outclassed him in physical strength as well. For the flicker of a second, he could see that flash of fear again, but he couldn't let go of him. "What did you tell them about us?" he pressed out through gritted teeth, his eyes narrowing in on Sebastian's with a furious look. The muscles on his arms were flexing with the force he was exerting to hold Sebastian against the wall and all though Sebastian was taller than him, he felt a sense of pride in being stronger than him.

Sebastian struggled against his hold, trashing against Hunter's ruthless grip. But it was only when Hunter saw the shadow of a student coming their way did he let go of him. The taller boy brushed off dust from his blazer, looking at Hunter with eyes full of confusion and anger. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he bellowed, straightening his jacket. In any other situation, Hunter would have bent his legs, put his weight on his knees and gotten ready for a fist fight, but he knew that Sebastian wasn't going to hurt him. But that didn't mean that he didn't feel the need to punch his face in. It was strange how the people who stand the closest to you are the ones that can hurt you the most. If it was any other student who had spread a rumour like that about him, he would just have brushed it away with a falsely cheery laugh and called him a liar. But it was Sebastian. The same Sebastian that he had grown to like and love. The Sebastian that he looked up at with unadulterated admiration at night when they were pressed close together in the moonlight. The same Sebastian that he couldn't stop thinking about, no matter day or night.

"I asked you a question," Hunter snarled, balling his fists tightly. Not to hit Sebastian, but to try to keep his temper in check. To try to stop himself from doing something he regretted, even though he wanted to hurt Sebastian just as much as the other hurt him. "You have lost your fucking mind, Hunt!" Sebastian inched away from him, looking at him with utter contempt that was so filthy Hunter wanted to snarl. The thoughts reeling in his mind brought out the worst in him and he didn't know what he was doing anymore. He was so close to hitting Sebastian and he had used his physical strength to frighten him, that much he was sure of. Fear rolled down his spine in beads of sweat and he could still feel his cheeks burn with humiliation. And how _dare_ Sebastian use his pet name for him? How dare he insinuate that everything was just fine?

"You told them!" he accused, jabbing a finger into Sebastian's chest, making the other flinch. Good. Hunter wanted him to be scared. He wanted him to regret his actions and atone, even though he had no idea what either of them could do to salvage the ripped shards of his dignity. He couldn't have the school knowing that he was gay. What would they think of him? Somehow the word would get back to his parents and.. and that would be the end of it. He couldn't bear to think of what would happen. He would do anything before that happened. He would pay off the entire student body if he had to.

"And so you say, but I have no fucking idea what you are going on about," Sebastian's jaw clenched tightly, all trace of his smirky, smarmy self gone. Instead it was replaced with steely glances and a rigid posture. Hunter couldn't help but think back to just this morning where Sebastian was resting calmly on his chest, cocooned in the tendrils of sleep. "Us," Hunter bit back. "Me. You told them about me."

A flicker of realisation spread through Sebastian's eyes and Hunter could see him exhale in relief. "I didn't say anything. Christ, why would you even think that?" he asked, making Hunter frown.

Did he believe Sebastian? Did he have a reason to? In all the months he had known the other, he had never lied to him. Twisted the truth? Sure. Avoided questions he didn't want to answer? Most definitely. But he had never lied to his face. "Then why were they all staring at me?" he barked, his stiff posture indicating that he wasn't quite sure whether to believe him or not. It was too good to be true and he didn't trust him. Not entirely. He knew what he wanted to believe. He wanted to think that Sebastian would never do anything like that to him, that he would never betray him in that way. He did say that he would never out him, didn't he? But that was the curse of getting too attached to someone. Sometimes the affection clouds your mind and you can't see the harsh, bitter truth even if it is dangling right in front of your eyes.

"You have really lost your mind," Sebastian stared at him with wide eyes, shaking his head. "Did you seriously fucking manhandle me because a few boys were staring at you?" he growled, shoving Hunter's chest with the pent up anger he had. "I can't believe you!" Sebastian turned on his heels and started to walk away when Hunter pulled him back with a firm hand on his shoulder. "I swear to god, Smythe. You better tell me what's going on, or I _will_ punch your face."

Sebastian looked over his shoulder, straight into Hunter's eyes. "You have toothpaste in your hair, you idiot," he sneered, and shrugged the hand off him before he walked away. And never once did he look back.

Hunter rushed back to his dorm room although the bell rang and he should have been in class by then. He knew that there was no way he would be able to concentrate on any of his subjects, not when he was feeling so… what was he actually feeling? Hunter was never the one to be too attuned to his inner emotions and he often just scoffed them away, but right now it felt as though he had been hit by a freight train and he couldn't get up. Metaphorically speaking, that is. He was bent over the sink, staring at his own reflection in the mirror. _Fag_, he wanted to scream. _Fucking coward_. And that was really all he was. He was a coward. He was too scared to stand up to anyone and say that he liked boys the same way he liked girls. But he knew that it was wrong. Good boys weren't supposed to be fucked in the ass by Sebastian Smythe. Good boys weren't supposed to enjoy pounding into Sebastian and make him fall apart. Good boys weren't supposed to _like_ the heavy weight of a cock on their tongue.

He banged his fist against the smooth, white porcelain. A jab of hot pain seared up his arm, accompanied by a loud growl. He wanted to scream on the top of his lungs and wish it all away. He didn't want to like boys. He wished he could rip his heart off and tear off the part of him that ached for Sebastian. The part that pined after him like a lost puppy looking for his home. The part that laughed every time Sebastian said something funny, even when it really wasn't even funny. He wanted to gauge his eyes out for finding him beautiful, for comparing him to Adonis. He wanted to break his fingers for wanting to caress Sebastian's tanned skin that was always warmer than his own. But most of all, he wanted to get rid of his heart that clenched at the thought that Sebastian would never be his.

The reflection in the mirror was taunting him and it would take him so little to just punch the glass, Hunter realised. But he would be stronger than that. He already made a huge mistake by attacking Sebastian while he wasn't thinking straight. How could he be so stupid? Shaking his head, Hunter mechanically undressed and stepped into the shower. The water was hotter than usual and felt harsh against his skin. He just wanted to wash away all the hurt and embarrassment he felt. Let the dripping water cleanse him of his raging thoughts and the myriad of emotions that he neither understood nor could keep in check.

There was the embarrassment that clung on his skin from how he had acted during breakfast and how quickly he had jumped to conclusions. He felt humiliated for embarrassing himself in front of the Warblers and knew that he would have to explain that sooner or later. He felt anger, mostly directed at himself for being so stupid and willing to throw away everything he had with Sebastian because of a few misplaced stares. He felt weak for giving into everything that he promised himself he would never do. The sneaking around with Sebastian, the late night fucks and the hushed laughs that they shared in the privacy of his room. It was never meant to be like that. He was supposed to find a nice girl to fall in love with, date her through college and propose when they graduated. Get married and buy a house in the suburbs. Make a few children and live the normal A4-life that everyone expected him to have. But then he had to go and screw it up. He felt confused for not knowing what he wanted to do. Did he want to forget Sebastian and pretend that nothing happened, live his life with the good reputation he had and keep his parents happy? Or did he want to stay true to himself and let the rest crash and burn? What about college? He needed the funding from his parents to get into Columbia. It was all too much to think about and yet again he found himself yearning for the dark abyss where he could just _exist_ and not thinking about his future. Where he could just follow his heart and do what felt good and right. But the most prominent feeling he had was the one that was drumming in his chest. The one that coursed through his veins and both infuriated him and made him smile like a fool: love.

Hunter loved Sebastian, there was no doubt about that. That was the only thing he was sure of right now. He loved him for his flaws and his seemed perfection. For his wit, his talent, his looks and the way he made him feel like he was the only person on earth.

But as much as he realised this, he also realised that it didn't matter because Sebastian didn't want anything to do with him after their little display in the hallway. _God_, he was so stupid. The hot water ran down his shoulders, making Hunter sigh. No matter what he did in the future, he knew what he wanted right now. He wanted Sebastian. He wanted to get him back, back where he belonged.

He needed a plan.

** AN: Thank you for all the nice feedback I have got for this fic. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate it! Reviews make me write faster :D**


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